Thursday, September 10, 2009
Had a terrible mood swing yesterday.
Sometimes, it is hard for people with 2 kinda personality like me to juggle my emotions well.
I don't mean i have mental problem when i say i have 2 personality.
Let me put it this way,
There are 2 Kevin in me,
The first Kevin is:
  • Perfectionist
  • Impatient
  • Aggressive
  • Determine
  • High Self Esteem
While the 2nd Kevin is:
  • Sentimental
  • Shy / Quiet
  • Depressed
  • Pessimistic
  • Low Self Esteem
And whenever i have mood swing,
this two Kevin will merge into one and i will get very Emotional at first,
But, later on, i will get more and more aggressive and revengeful.

Why was i so down yesterday?
Well, Cicada is filled with talented designers.
When i first step into the company and looked at their work,
i felt like i am totally outcast, don't even need to say anything.
Being assigned task by Gabriel Caballero yesterday,
being asked to do some sections or 3-Dimensional view of the different side of the pool.
I took a whole day and i can't even finish.
Went up to him countless time yet mistake are always there!
  • Scales and Proportion
  • 3- Dimensional Projection
  • Drawing Convention (Leveling etc)
I am so weak at all these.
I knew it all these while, but perhaps the latest detail and sections i did was with AutoCad,
thus not much issue was seen.
But he was really patient with me.
I really don't think that Cicada will want me back in their company at that point of time,
i totally lost hope in everything.
Went home alone as usual,
can't even eat and sleep at night, just stay there and stare in the blank space.
That is me, always like this when i have a bad day.

But thanks to Fikri and Sonny who chat with me through MSN and sms,
who gave me confidence once again.
Reminded that i am someone who is able to achieve it.
Decided to give it a try today.
And yup, i manage to finish the things today,
Initially, Gabriel told me give him tomorrow,
But i manage to complete it today, he was somehow surprise too.
Really want to thank him for the guidance,
i really learn quite a lot from him,
I learn how to draw something close to scale without a scale ruler and so on.

More things to be done tomorrow,
will continue to put in more effort, and i will be more active in the company.
Right now, i am lack of communications with the people there,
they are the ones who start the conversation with me.
Really hope that Cicada will accept me next time after i Graduate from SP.

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